Prisoner of the Mind
by Psychick23
Summary: “You’re late,” he accuses with hard cold eyes. Obito just smiles that too-wide grin of his.


**Rating: **PG-13 to be on the safe side because of one really weird idea that I can't for the life of me understand where it came from. It is possibly a disturbing image, but I tried to make it much more vague than what I saw in my head so it wouldn't be quite as bad.

**Spoilers:** Kakashi Gaiden, and specific points throughout the story, but nothing too big I think.

**Pairings:** None. But if you _really_ squint I bet you can see Kakashi/Obito. You can, can't you?

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own it. It's on my Christmas list though.

**A/N: **Fear not, those of you who read FYE! The next chapter is coming along nicely and will be up by the end of the month, but this popped into my head and would not go away no matter what. For those of you who don't, well, never mind then and I hope you enjoy this.

This is a one-shot and as far as I know is a stand-alone story (as opposed to my Observation 'verse). On the other hand, it follows in the pattern of Observation and Truth of the Matter in that it attempts to follow cannon and be insightful. As to the first, it pretty much succeeds using a mix of the anime and manga, and as to the second, I'll leave that up to you to decide.

Finally, the ending of this does NOT reflect cannon, as far as I know (and hope and pray.) That being said, **PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL ME FOR ANYTHING AFTER THE HIDAN/KAKUZU ARC.** Nothing scares me more than the idea that Kakashi might die, and at the rate Kishimoto is killing off main characters, it is entirely possible, but I DO NOT want to know, until the anime catches up.

That being said, enjoy!

* * *

Prisoner of the Mind

by Psychick

_Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds._

--Franklin D. Roosevelt

"You're late," he accuses with hard cold eyes.

Obito just smiles that too-wide grin of his, partly out of embarrassment, partly because he's still thrilled that they've got their first A-rank as a team.

He's been on A-ranks before, with Sensei, but Rin and Obito haven't gotten to a skill level yet that the Sandaime felt comfortable assigning them one together. In fact, the Hokage looked worried even the other day, but he doesn't have much of a choice. Konoha is running out of available high-level shinobi fast, and the best the village leader can do is put even the younger ninja out in the field.

"Sorry," the Uchiha apologizes, and then gives a wild explanation about why he couldn't make it on time. His eyes just narrow as he listens to the story, and when the exuberant boy finishes he turns around without a word, waiting for Sensei to give them the mission details.

Obito's pretty worthless as a ninja, as far as following rules go and they may be a team, but he's not going to let the other boy drag him down.

_He's terrified, really, terrified that he'll end up like his father, and the nightmares of that night--where the body swings back and forth from the ceiling like some sadistic metronome ticking away the moments since he watched his neck snap, since his dad stopped being _Father_ and started becoming _The Deceased _(Father has been dead since he came home, he remembers thinking)—those are the nightmares that have him ready to scream as he shoots up from his pillow panting and shaking._

_It's different from the dreams where he stands in a field of corpses and realizes that every one of them is wearing a hitai-ate with a leaf on the front, but somehow he _knows_ with absolute certainty that the mission is complete. Those started before…before he was living alone, in a house that's too big for a kid his size, his age. He doesn't really understand what he feels after those dreams and he stopped trying to figure it out years ago._

_He's pretty sure he feels accomplished _in_ the dream. _

_The fact that he can't eat for the rest of the day is probably a coincidence._

_

* * *

_

"You're late!" he cries, and yells at Obito about following the rules and regulations.

Obito grimaces, used to the routine by now and tries to explain why he was delayed. He listens with frustration and only accuses his teammate of lying when the younger boy claims he had something in his eye.

The truth is, he's seen the Uchiha do everything he tells them about. Carrying old lady's bags, rescuing kittens from trees, watching little kids for their parents, and other D-rank missions that he will never get paid for because they aren't actual _missions_ and they haven't been _assigned_ to him. That's not the problem.

The problem, the thing he doesn't understand is why Obito lets it get in the way of his _real_ work. Why he works so hard during training, shouts so the entire world can hear that he's going to surpass his teammates, but he won't recognize that he can never be good enough, never be the best, if he can't follow the rules and regulations strictly. Shinobi are given these rules to better themselves, to complete the mission and further the village to victory.

Never mind the fact that he's come to appreciate Obito's skill a little since they first started working together.

Never mind the fact that Obito's saved his life once or twice when he really screwed up.

Sensei seems to have missed the point entirely and just grins as he calls the Uchiha a pushover.

"Those ninja who don't follow the rules and regulations are called trash!" he reminds the older jounin. The blonde man looks guilty at the reminder of how the White Fang was treated and gives an awkward laugh. He knows his sensei has never really figured out how to deal with the subject.

He's never really given the man a chance.

Rin tries to break up the fight, and his mood's taken a turn for the worse so he reminds them about his promotion to keep his mind off of the dark thoughts.

Except Obito's completely forgotten, hasn't even gotten him a present. He's grateful for the things Rin and Sensei have given him, he is, but secretly he was hoping the brown-haired chuunin would get him something, even if he would just rub it in the other boy's face. It stings a little that the loudmouth won't acknowledge his advancement.

The goggle wearing moron can remember to help every needy individual in his path, but he can't even recall the achievement his teammate has been working towards since before he could speak properly.

"It's a mystery how you ever became a jounin!" Obito shouts.

It's a mystery how you ever became a ninja, he wants to say, but he doesn't because, he may be a crybaby, but the Uchiha has saved his life once or twice and the truth is he's waiting for the day Obito makes good on his promise.

_He's jealous, maybe, just a little. He'd never admit it out loud. He doesn't have a single memory of ever doing what he wants, of questioning the way things are done and a small part of him wonders how Obito does it. Wonders if the other boy is happier because he lives his life outside the dotted line, or if it's just because they are complete opposites and he's never thought of _not_ doing it that way._

_When he watches Obito laugh and joke with the other kids their age while he silently passes them by, he wonders if the grass really is greener on the other side._

_He'll never find out, though; he can't even touch the fence because this is what he lives for, this is what he was raised to do. He's been trained to kill since he could walk and it's the only thing left of the man he admires most, the man he hates most, and he holds that as close to his chest as he can manage. Nothing can take that away, he won't _let_ anything take that away and so the fence has become one big threat to his dreams of becoming a shinobi that his father would be proud of._

_(That's a lie. His real dreams are of becoming a better shinobi than his father, of stepping out of the massive black shadow the White Fang created with his disgrace. The fence isn't just a threat, it's a living, breathing thing hiding in the eyes and words of the people surrounding him, comparing him.)_

_He's not just jealous, though. He's a little bit afraid, too, because Obito's never seen how quickly that green grass can die. He tries to drag the other boy to his side, to warn him over and over and over, but Obito doesn't hear him, ever. _

_He's a little bit afraid because lately the face in the nightmare with the hanging metronome is not the face it should be._

_

* * *

_

"You're late," whispers Rin, not unkindly, but with tears running from her eyes and a concerned look on her face.

He doesn't answer. He doesn't have anything to say.

The whole thing is a joke, he thinks.

This is not Obito's burial ground. Obito's burial ground is far from his home.

That is not Obito's tombstone. Obito's tombstone is the same as the boulder he was buried under.

He was there for Obito's funeral, he thinks. He wasn't late for that.

The ceremony is short. There's a war going on, and they don't have time to waste mourning the dead. Obito's father and younger sister have come, but his mother doesn't even know he's gone yet, off commanding another team while fighting another battle in another country, and that's if she hasn't gotten killed by the action, too.

The older man clutches his daughter's hand tightly, so hard that he's pretty sure her circulation is being cut off, but she doesn't complain, eyes wide and face pale as a ghost.

He wonder's how soon she'll be sent into battle. She looks like she's already nine or ten. Old enough to start taking on high risk A-ranks, or even S-ranks if she's passed the bastardized version of the chuunin exam they give during the war. He can't really tell. They don't make vests that small.

Rin walks next to him on his left side as they leave the Tombstone of the Fallen. Neither one says anything, but she glances up at him cautiously only to quickly turn her face away. He doesn't notice. He still hasn't gotten used to constantly sensing everything in his blind spot.

It turns out that an implanted Sharingan stays activated no matter what. That's fine in theory and in battle, but everyday life just makes him dizzy if he leaves it open, watching the blurring forms of the people from the street. Being able to anticipate the movement of a woman carrying the day's groceries back home is bad enough, but he nearly vomits while watching a young civilian girl jump rope.

It looks weird to only close one eye, so he starts covering it with the hitai-ate. Still, it eats up a lot of his chakra, even when he doesn't actively use it. He's been exhausted the past three weeks and Sensei even managed to get them a two-day leave from the Hokage because his use of soldier pills has been bordering on addict-level. He knows Rin has been worried too, but he can't really bring himself to care.

She's the important one now. He's going to keep that promise if it's the last thing he does.

_He's confused, confused and frustrated. He's trying to live up to what Obito's taught him, what Obito sacrificed his life for, but it's harder than he thought. Balancing mission parameters and emotions is not easy, but he refuses to give up on either one._

_It's difficult trying to condition himself against the beliefs he's held for years now, to fight against the fear that he'll let his emotions get in the way. He usually ends up overcompensating and trying to protect everyone at the same time. Even Sensei, who is without a doubt ten times the better ninja. Sensei is patient most of the time, trying to help him work through it, but he hasn't commanded a single mission since then and Sensei flat out refused to have another chuunin added to their team._

_He knows he should feel guilty that he's dragging the team down, but all he feels is grateful. Grateful that they're giving him a chance. Grateful that he doesn't yet have to face the community outside of Team Five._

_There's a new dream now. It's not elaborate. In fact he doesn't even really remember details at all. All he knows is that there is him and there is Obito and Obito is eating him alive. It's sick and its twisted, but he honestly doesn't mind. He's pretty sure he even offered himself to the dream figure once. After that he doesn't say anything, just watches quietly as his body is devoured. There's no pain, just the feeling that he's changing, becoming less whole._

_When he wakes up his entire left side feels completely alien._

_The fence is still there, he thinks. It's the grass that has begun to change sides._

_

* * *

_

"You're late," Sensei says with a smile. Only it's not _Sensei_ anymore, it's _Yondaime Hokage-sama_ and no one is more deserving of the title.

"Sorry I missed the ceremony," he apologizes.

"There was this old lady," he explains.

Sensei just chuckles and shakes his head, but there's a hint of sadness in his eyes. Rin turns the conversation to finding out details about the blonde man's new girlfriend, because the day you are promoted to the level of strongest shinobi in all of Fire Country is not a day you should look sad.

The war has been over for a year or so. Everyone is piecing their lives back together slowly. Shinobi are taking on missions at an alarming rate still to keep the money flowing in and the appearance that they are as strong as ever, but for the first time in years the newest genin will be taking on actual D-rank missions, not A-ranks that have been demoted to D-ranks simply because they are relatively less dangerous than the worst of the S-ranks.

He's not happy about it because it means the kids don't have to risk their lives. He's happy because it's less of a stressful decision for Sensei.

He knows it's selfish, but these are his precious people and he can protect Rin from almost anything, but politics put Sensei out of his reach. It worries him that the older man will change and wear down with every impossible decision.

"I was hoping you two would agree to a promotion to ANBU," Hokage-sama says. "There's nobody I trust more. What do you think?"

He looks at Rin and Rin looks at him and there's a silent agreement that there was never any question. It's funny because the idea of making ANBU wasn't ever a conscious thought, but he realizes that he would have been sorely disappointed had the offer never come up. He idly wonders what he would have done.

An image of him and Rin kidnapping the Hokage from his office comes to mind. It puts a smile on his face.

"Congratulations," he says.

Sensei just ruffles his hair and moves to greet the next well-wisher in line. It happens to be Jiraiya-sama, to the surprise of half the village (mostly male) and the horror of the other half (mostly female). Hokage-sama's smile widens and he and Rin walk off.

_He's content, he thinks. The village is at peace, his precious people are relatively safe, and he's in a position to watch over them. He hasn't dreamed in months. He hasn't faltered in months. Missions go off without a hitch and he laughs and jokes with the other jounin around him. They seem surprised at first but eventually warm up and get used to his presence. Some even apologize for thinking he was cold and aloof. You're different than I thought, they say._

_He's pretty sure only Sensei knows just how insane he's gone._

_Rin thinks it's just that his attempts at changing have paid off. She's seen the hard work he's put into learning to relax. She knows he can adapt to the situation and make the right choice without sacrificing everything now. He's always been the smartest one in their generation. If anyone can figure out how to change their personality on their own, it's him._

_He's very careful never to let her see him talking to thin air._

_It's not that he thinks Obito can hear him, or is alive as some spirit. He knows very well just how dead their friend is. But still the Sharingan in his head eats away at his chakra. The doctors say there are no side effects, are certain his chakra is completely his, but he's just as certain that they are wrong. He feels like he's only half of the person inside his mind any more and thinking that way makes it easier to function._

_The problem with feeling like you are only half of a whole is that it becomes that much easier to believe that you aren't always the one walking around with your body. You aren't always the one saying things with your mouth._

_It certainly doesn't feel like all of his thoughts are his own._

_Most of the time his thoughts stay on track. They follow the logical steps just like they always have. Then a random idea will interject itself and all hell breaks loose in his head._

_He's tried stopping it. But it's like having a conversation with someone else where both parties are talking about something completely different. He stopped trying half a year ago. Two months later Sensei caught him having an argument with himself._

_What people see now is a mix of who he really is and something else, something not even he understands. He _has_ changed. The part that is definitely him is definitely different than who he used to be, but it's still separate from that other half._

_It doesn't bother him anymore._

_

* * *

_

"Sorry I'm late," he says as he walks over to the table with a group of his comrades. He gives an excuse, one that's a blatant lie or completely crazy and out there or just doesn't make any sense. He's not really sure which because he's not really paying attention to what comes out of his mouth and neither are any of the shinobi around him. They've gotten used to his lateness. They've come to expect it and plan around it and ignore it until it's actually inconvenient, but even then they just grumble a little and criticize themselves for expecting any better from him.

He doesn't blame them. There were only two other people in the whole world who really understood why he did it. Both of them are long gone, one through self-sacrifice and one through overwork.

Still, it's a ritual he has to observe. If he doesn't he's pretty sure he'll lose the last of his sanity.

He goes through the motions. Joins the conversations, has a drink or two, but his voice has little real emotion, and halfway through the night he pulls out a new book he's started reading. It's perverted, but it's good, and it reminds him a little of something he can't quite point out. The others ignore him, completely understanding because if anyone deserves to be given leeway it's him.

It's not like he's special. They've lost a lot too. But they're all a little crazy and they know that sometimes it's the crazy things that keep them sane.

_He's dead inside. Most of the time he can't bring himself to care, but sometimes he's completely ashamed. He knows it's not what they'd want for him, but all his precious people—every last one—are gone and he has always been just a fraction of a second away from saving them. He has always been too late. _

_Those who don't care about their companions are worse than trash. _

_He still believes in that sentence and is careful never to leave anyone in his team behind, but lately he has trouble figuring out if it's because he actually cares about them or just because he never wants to be the kind of trash that gets his best friend killed again. Or maybe he's just sick and tired of being late._

_He's not sure which reason makes him feel worse._

_He's started dreaming again, but the dream has changed, as if his mind is trying to make up for lost time by smashing all the old ones together. _

_He's standing in the field, but now the grass is wildly overgrown and most of the corpses are gone. In their place is an old tree. From one of the branches a body hangs, a rope around the neck, and it swings slowly back and forth. The body is the same but the face is different with every swing. He watches but doesn't move, knowing there is nothing to be done._

_In front of him on the ground are the three ANBU under his command. They are injured and bloody, panting with exhaustion and unable to move, but they are alive and that's what matters, he thinks._

_The thing that worries him most is that he doesn't know if the mission is complete._

_

* * *

_

"You're late!"

The shout is completely unexpected. It's accusatory and annoyed and even a little angry and no one has spoken to him like that in forever. Everyone is too understanding, or too respectful, or too unsure of themselves to call him on it anymore. Something shifts inside his chest, but he pushes it aside. He has never passed a single genin team in all the tests since he was offered a position as a jounin leader. There is no reason to expect any different from these three, even knowing who they are.

Especially knowing who they are, in some cases.

He gives his apology and expects a thoughtless excuse to come out of his mouth, but instead he stumbles over something about a black cat and his path. It surprises him. Lately his stories have gotten more wild and exaggerated. The old excuses have gotten boring and everyone has heard them a thousand times. He even uses original material on people he's just met. They are only the next set of apologies on his lengthy and creative list.

Not this time. This time he's started from the beginning.

He trails off, startled at his own anticipation. They look just as shocked, but probably because they can't imagine a more lame excuse. He wonders if that's what he looked like the first time he heard Obito. Probably not. He was pretty good at keeping his emotions locked up back then.

He silently reminds himself not to get ahead of things and starts the test. They are nothing if they can't pass it, and he won't waste time on people that he can't be concerned with. He knows what sacrifices they will have to make if they don't learn this lesson and he refuses to be on a team where he has to watch himself fail all over again. Those who don't care about their companions are worse than trash, and a team full of less-than-trash is not a team at all. There is no better way to find out if this is the case than through this test and he has no pity for them, just as he never had any pity for every 'team' before them. He keeps his emotions under tight control, just as a shinobi should.

It's only as he's tying Naruto up that he realizes how much fun he had.

_He's _alive._ He's alive again, laughing and worrying and scolding and teaching and relaxing and _feeling_ again and he can't believe he ever let this go. For the first time in a long time he feels whole, one person with one mind, and it's real, it's himself that he presents to the world. The weight of Obito is still there, it will never disappear, but it has stopped consuming him, stopped eating him alive and that doesn't make him concerned at all. _

_The others have noticed. Sandaime assigns them as many missions as he can cram into a day. Asuma smirks like he's known all along. Kurenai smiles as if it's the best news she's ever heard. Gai has even less inhibitions about challenging his skills, if that's even possible._

_But with all the good feelings come all the bad feelings and the terror slowly begins to creep up on him day by day._

_Sakura is not Rin. Rin was in love, but she was mature. She was obvious, but never blatant. Her skills as a shinobi were decent, not barely average. But Rin _was_ in love, Rin _was _obvious, and Rin _could have_ been better as a ninja if she hadn't worried and obsessed more about his own skill._

_Sasuke is not him. His family history affected his life, but it made him cold. He looked down on his teammates, but they were always his team. He would reach his goal through the rules, not do anything to reach his goal. But his family history _did _affect his life, he _did _look down on his teammates, and he _was_ desperate to reach his goal._

_Naruto is not Obito. Obito had family, Obito had friends, Obito was a crybaby, and a somewhat decent ninja, not an ostracized, friendless, dead-last prankster. But Obito had a goal, Obito wanted recognition, Obito learned as he fought, shouted as he spoke and smiled ten times too wide._

_None of it gets better. All of it gets worse. And even though he's been there since the beginning, he's almost certain he's too late._

_

* * *

_

"Sorry I wasn't on time," he says as he cradles Naruto's body gently in his arms. He gives no excuses. Sasuke is gone and Naruto is silent and all he can do is let the rain poor down on his head.

Even the knowledge that Naruto is alive doesn't make him feel better.

_He is thankful. He is more thankful than he has ever been towards one person and it is not a happy thought because he knows he had nothing to do with it. He even wonders if he may have endangered it, but at the time all he could think of was to teach Sasuke the Chidori. _

_He is incredibly thankful towards Naruto, because despite all odds the boy has the strength to survive and that is one less person he is forced to outlive. One more chance to not be too late._

_So why is there one more face hanging from the tree?_

_

* * *

_

He's late to their first meeting after Naruto returns. Mostly it's habit but part of him wants to get a rise out of what's left of their team. He smiles when he succeeds and then gets beaten badly in their battle. Sakura and Naruto aren't kids anymore.

They can't afford to be if they want to save Sasuke.

He's late to help Naruto when he sees the Demon Fox's Cloak. He's right there watching it happen, but it startles him so much seeing it for the first time that the blond has gone feral with two tails while he stares. Naruto doesn't even blink at the destruction when he wakes up.

He wonders—again—how bad it gets that even Jiraiya-sama worries.

_He's almost certain now in his belief that he's fated to be late for the rest of his life. He's accepted that as fact. _

_All he can do is his best to make sure he is never _too_ late ever again._

_

* * *

_

"You're late!" cries Obito.

He stares for a moment, unsure if what he's seeing is real. Obito just grins and then laughs at his confusion and calls the others over even as he grabs his friend's hand and drags him to them. Rin hugs him tightly and doesn't seem to mind when he's too surprised to hug her back. Sensei just grins, his girlfriend by his side, and ruffles his hair as he gives a warm welcome. Behind them are Jaraiya-sama, sitting on the ground as he leans against a rock with pencil and paper in hand, and the Sandaime standing across from his pupil as he puffs on a pipe and stares up at the clouds. They both greet him with a grin, even though he doesn't really understand why they are together with his team.

There is another man sitting on the rock, his arm draped over a knee as he leans back. The smile the White Fang turns toward him is smaller than any of the others, but it's the one that leaves him weak and trembling.

He's at a loss for words, but when he finally gets his voice back he can only say one thing.

"Sorry."

There are no excuses after that, because there is no excuse he could give to satisfy himself and really he's not even sure to whom he's apologizing.

Obito just turns around and throws his arms wide as a breeze rips through the field they stand in.

"Isn't it great? Even the grass is really green!"

His Sharingan is bone dry, but for the first time since his father's death he cries loud and long and holds nothing back.

_He's forgiven. That's all he needs to know.

* * *

_

_**A/N: **_So what do you think? Praise, critism, it's all welcome as long as it's not flames or spoilers so please **review!!**

Just for the record, I'd like to point out that this is the first Naruto fic I have managed to write _without a single mention of Shikamaru!_ XD It was bound to happen sometime.


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